Gaslighting is a major buzzword right now. In fact, Merriam-Webster chose it as the word of 2022. But what does it mean? Merriam-Webster defines gaslighting as “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone especially for one’s own advantage.” According to the Merriam-Webster website, there was a 1740% increase in lookups of the word in […]
Gaslighting vs Greenlighting: It’s all about control Read More »
We all know that feeling… You’ve just spilled your guts to someone, and you’re wondering if you shared too much. Brené Brown calls this a “vulnerability hangover,” and YES to this perfect description of what it feels like to leave it all on the table. You know that feeling… A vulnerability hangover occurs when we
Oversharing vs. Healthy Vulnerability Read More »
Have you ever thought about what is hiding at the bottom of your shame? It’s the one thing all shame has in common. It’s sneaky, and shockingly simple. It’s secrets. Think about it… How does domestic violence survive generation after generation?… Nobody talks about it. What’s the biggest threat a sexual abuser uses to control
Secrets can only control you when they are kept Read More »
TRIGGER WARNING:This post contains discussions about mental health that may be upsetting or triggering for trauma survivors. If you are at risk for serious depression, anxiety, emotional instability, or self-harm, consider reading this post in the company of a trusted, trauma-informed supporter. A search for “trauma” online results in hundreds of definitions of trauma. The
BONUS BLOG: The six types of trauma Read More »
We are heading into our second week discussing how trauma transforms our brains. I originally intended this to be a four-part series, but during our discussion last week, I realized that there is another segment of this discussion that needs to be addressed: naming versus blaming. Last week we talked about how we get trapped
Naming, blaming, and the uncluttered subconscious Read More »
Over the next few weeks, I’m going to dive deep into how trauma transforms our brains, and why it’s important for us to understand it in order to heal. This is the first in a four-part series on trauma and the brain. The human brain is very much like a computer. It does what we
How we get trapped in toxic circumstances Read More »
What would a world without shame look like? There’s no way of knowing for sure, of course, because shame currently permeates every level of our culture. If you look at every instance of human suffering – big and small – at the root of it is not anger, not sadness, not envy, not even fear.
Live a life without shame Read More »
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the word “fight.” We fight for a cause. We fight for a marriage. We fight against darkness, or as some religions call it, “the enemy.” The angry cousin of fighting, of course, is “attack.” Our way of life is under attack. Our rights are under attack. Our freedoms
Stepping beyond a warrior mindset Read More »
I talk a lot in Redefining Love about the Three Pillars of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace. As a review, these three principals must be in balance both internally, towards self, and externally, towards others in order to maintain peace in your complex relationships. So the key is to learn to identify which of the Three
Relational Shame Cycles Read More »
There are a lot of big feelings flying around out there lately. Understandably so. Our consciousness is overstimulated with local, national, and worldwide news that has all our systems on high alert. It’s crucial that we understand how our body is designed to respond to our circumstances, so we can be healthy and regulated as
Managing anger and other big feelings Read More »
