Love everyone, regardless of your differences.

Grace: Equal parts darkness and light

In Redefining Love, it is crucial that we see the equal capacity for good and evil in ourselves and others. When we have accepted that each and every one of us has within us light and darkness, we can recognize that a person may be a blessing to one and a curse to another. We can then allow others their own journey, which is Grace, one of the Three Pillars of Redefining Love.

We can accept blessings from someone why has hurt others (as we all have), and allow others to appreciate the blessings offered by those who have hurt us.

When we Redefine Love, we love everyone, regardless of their actions or beliefs. Since we are not required to be in relationship with anyone, we can love from a distance.

Grace allows us to view conflict not as a negative to be avoided, but as an opportunity to better understand another person. Perhaps we have something to learn from them, or they from us.

Grace is the foundation of forgiveness. When we can accept that a person’s actions are a reflection of deep grief and hurting, we can forgive and set ourselves free to move on with our lives. Grace allows us to take our power back from others, by severing the ties of bitterness, rage, and shame.

What grace is NOT.

Grace is not a free jerk pass. Grace is not blindly burying our heads to injustice or wrongdoing. Grace is not a complimentary ticket to the inside of our heads and hearts. Grace is not an excuse to ignore bad behavior. Grace is not a reason to excuse away toxicity. Grace is not resigning yourself to being mistreated, bullied, or abused.   

What grace is.

Grace is the ability to look at someone’s shortcomings with compassion and empathy. Grace is the willingness to accept that we all grow at our own pace. Grace is the love we hold for everyone, despite our differences. Grace is the peace we find when we allow others their own path. Grace is the self-respect we feel in spite of our own flaws.

Grace is the foundation for our boundaries. Grace is the guidepost against which we harness the gate we can choose to hold open, or respectfully close depending on how others fit into our own personal voyage through life. Grace is the window with which we look through when we Redefine Love.

Create a love spiral.

The answer to all brokenness, whether it is ours or someone else’s, is love. Loving yourself in spite of your own mistakes, shame, and insecurities sets you free to love others. Loving others sets you free to love yourself. It is a new spiral, a love spiral.

You can’t fix everyone. But you can work on yourself, and teach your children a new way to love and be loved. And perhaps you might influence others in your life as they see your newfound confidence and happiness.

Learn more about the remaining Three Pillars!

If you feel at any point like you want to harm yourself or someone else, seek professional help immediately or dial 911. You are worth too much to the world to choose otherwise.

The author of Redefining Love is not a licensed mental healthcare professional. The information included on this site is for the specific purposes of learning to set boundaries and hold yourself and others accountable with love and grace. For mental health diagnosis questions or clinical mental health treatment or concerns, please reach out to a licensed mental healthcare professional.

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