Redefine Love Blog

Check back regularly for my latest blog postings about my own journey to redefined love, applying redefined love to your day-to-day life, and the impact redefined love has on our lives and the world.

Be Better World Podcast

Thank you so much to William Henry for the opportunity to step way outside my comfort zone to chat with him on his Be Better World podcast. Yikes! It was scary to step out from behind my keyboard, but William ...
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Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Phew! Life got heavy again. Was it ever not in the past 12 months? Maybe not. But I got really stuck there for the past week. It just hurt. And I had big things to say. Now it is time ...
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Deal With It

Make Your Own Deal With It List

I was absolutely shocked by the reader response to my post, “Deal With It,” in which I gave a stream of conscious list of who I really am, unfiltered. Thank you to everyone who replied to the post, and to ...
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I said YES: An introvert’s stumble into podcast guesting

Wow, you guys. In all these years of laying myself bare in my writing, this is seriously the most publicly naked I have ever felt. It just so happens that I am expanding my business during a pandemic podcast explosion, ...
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Every year I pick a word to serve as a mantra, a guidepost to point me in the right direction. Little did I know when I chose the word brave for my 2020 word just how much courage the year ...
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What is the spoon theory and is it really about spoons?

I became familiar with the spoon theory when I became chronically ill. It’s a handy diagnostic tool that helps someone with a long-term illness express in simple terms how much energy they have on any given day. It was developed ...
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Deal with it

There’s this thing called Impostor Syndrome that I only learned about in the past year or so. It’s a mental hitch in your git-along that causes a person to feel inferior to everyone around her, regardless of how much education, ...
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Inciting violence against ourselves

The single most dangerous thing in this country right now is not rioters or gun-toting militia. The most dangerous thing we face is the fear that law-abiding citizens have of those who disagree with us. It is our fear that ...
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Stay home

All that once was: Life before and life after COVID-19

For eight and a half years I wrote a mostly feel good column in a few small town newspapers. And you know what? I was okay at it. People liked it. They looked forward to it. And so did I ...
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free jerk pass

None of us deserve a free jerk pass

I was already struggling with whether to publish this post, before COVID-19. Now I’m even more unsure. It is so heartening to see the amount of good will that is going around, even among people who normally are at each ...
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Love is the only way

Love is the only way

If you feel invisible, I see you and I love you. If you are afraid, remember that courage is not the absence of fear, but standing strong against it. You can do it, and I love you. If you are ...
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We were neighbors before we were enemies

People crave community: Narrowing the urban/rural divide

Growing up in the rural West, I can’t tell you how many times I heard jokes about Californians, “city folks,” and “back East,” as though people who lived in Cali or east of the Mississippi River were basically clueless idiots ...
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If you need someone to give you permission to be joyful this holiday season, in spite of it all, let me be that person.

Holiday Permissions

This may not be the most warm and fuzzy thing to talk about this time of year. But our refusal to talk about it only makes the situation that much more difficult for those who are struggling. We have to ...
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Red barn

Does UC Berkeley really hate rural America?

Okay, guys. We need to have a talk. I’ve discussed this before, and really… It’s so important. You’ve got to stop believing everything the Media tells you. This is the first post in a two-part series on narrowing the urban/rural ...
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This is a safe place to tell your faith story.

A safe place to tell your story: A candid discussion about faith

No other topic that I’ve written about has resonated with readers as much as when I talk about God. Why is this? Are we all so hungry for meaning? I think perhaps yes. I’m tired of the rule that we ...
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When you stop talking to people, stop talking about them, too.

Gossip is my weakness

The tricky thing about gossip is that it’s hard to define. When does genuine caring and concern turn into gossip? What about venting? We all need to get things off our chest, right? Because it is so amorphous, gossip is ...
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When you set boundaries with someone, both people grow.

But love should be easy, right?

When I say love isn’t supposed to always be warm and fuzzy, what do I mean? Before I can answer this question, I have to explain what love is not. Love Is Not… Cruel.Abusive.Manipulative.Lying. Love may not always be warm ...
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Perhaps the most detrimental fallout of an entire generation obsessed with perfection is the death of grace.

The death of grace

As my kids gear up for back to school, I can’t help but wonder how they will look back at their childhoods, the time and place in which they were raised, their family experience, and the impact their culture has ...
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Do you have a toxic relationships with your news source?

Do you have a toxic relationship with your news source?

In order to understand the big picture of Redefining Love, we must learn that institutions can be just as toxic as individual relationships. Just as family systems can be rife with dysfunction that developed over generations, so too can larger ...
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Rather than seek to be open minded, a better goal is to dig deep to identify our own bias.

Eliminating snobbery from our lives

One of the personality traits that I struggle to forgive the most is snobbery, in myself as well as others. I used to live with the illusion that I was immune from this particular sin. (This kind of arrogance is ...
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Don't insult the intelligence of others by manipulating them with carefully crafted opinion disguised as fact.

Owning our bias: Are any of us really ‘woke?’

During my twenties I wore my struggles like a badge of honor. I sported the Plight of the Everyman as a chip on my shoulder, suffering fools with the notion that because I’d experienced hardship and seen the dark side ...
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Anger, pain, and fear are like the indicator lights on the dashboard of our brains, warning us that something or someone is a threat.

The brain’s dashboard

The check engine light on my dashboard is broken. It comes on randomly, then shuts off again whenever the mood strikes it, rendering it useless. The first time it happened, I rushed my car to the mechanic, only to be ...
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Once a word gets overused, it becomes boring and loses it's impact.

The ‘f’ word has run its course

I’m not sure from what well people are drawing their ‘f’ words. I drained that sucker dry in the 90’s. I elevated the use of the ‘f’ word to new heights of artistry. I could answer yes or no questions ...
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A critical driver of innovation is the capacity to disagree, debate passionately, and explore all sides of an issue without losing respect.

Here’s the point

I have tiptoed hesitantly into social media over the years. I have accounts at the big four… Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram. My Pinterest is okay. My Twitter is embarrassing, honestly. I just ...
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Love yourself and love your life, without conditions, just like a good mama would.

Parenting yourself

When my therapist first introduced the idea of parenting myself, I thought I had that nailed down. Since both my parents had been checked out in one way or another during my childhood, I’d been doing that my entire life ...
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Your life becomes a masterpiece when you learn to master peace.

Getting organized: What do you need?

I know it’s trendy right now to get organized. I know that’s a thing. But I’ve never been very good at following trends, so let me challenge that for a minute. Let me tell you how I used to be ...
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Why be giving the ability to question and then wait for someone else to tell you how to think, how to feel, how to experience the world?

Good God, I Think We Can: A Manifesto on Faith

At first glance my atheist followers may think this post is not for them. But if you are a student of Redefining Love, then you know you have a responsibility to learn to speak the language of those with whom ...
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If you want to reach your goals, you've got to get around people that are going in the same direction you want to be going.

Surround yourself with those going in your direction

I’ve always been a thinker of big thoughts. I’m not a fan of physical risk, like sky diving. I like to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. My thoughts, on the other hand… they go a mile a ...
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Not everyone who disagrees with you is evil.

Not everyone who disagrees with you is evil

We are very confused about good and evil. We have been brainwashed by extremists to believe that anyone who disagrees with us is evil. And this isn’t just a liberal problem, or a conservative problem. This is an everyone problem ...
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We are all ghosts or we are ancestors in our own children's lives.

Ghosts or ancestors

Recently I was watching the fantastic Bruce Springsteen on Broadway Netflix special and one line above all else spoke to me: “We are ghosts or we are ancestors in our own children’s lives.” I scrambled for a piece of paper ...
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During this season of incredible excess, it is important to reflect on what is a need versus what is a want.

Lost Boys Lessons of Blessings

I ran a column in two small town Montana newspapers from 2008 to 2016, the Lewistown News-Argus and the Sidney Herald. These two papers were incredibly generous to me. They allowed me to write on just about any topic I chose, with ...
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Don't play victim to circumstances you created.

We are all the bad guy in someone’s story

Accountability is a tough one. It borders that very fine line between victim blaming and owning your own stuff. But it is so, so, so important. We can’t shy away from it simply because it is uncomfortable or confusing. When ...
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What you can't say owns you. What you hide controls you.

What are we so afraid of?

Those left behind When someone walks away from a family of origin relationship, it’s so easy to blame them. They must have “issues.” Often, the person they left behind has quite a lot to say about it to explain their ...
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Redefining Love is about taking a stand for who you are. Vote!

What Does Voting Have to do With Redefining Love

In case you’re wondering what voting has to do with Redefined Love… Well, everything. Redefined Love is about interconnectedness. It is about how you are connected to your most intimate self, and outward then to your family of origin, romantic ...
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Speak softly with your heart and loudly with your vote

Speak softly with your heart, and loudly with your vote

Never more than the last few weeks have I pondered how to apply Redefined Love to these painfully divisive times. How do I even deal with it within myself? Certainly I have my own opinions on the matter. Do I ...
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Life teaches us lessons every day if we're only willing to look. Redefine Love.

Object Lessons

I am not a mom blogger. But I do happen to be in this season of life, so I have a lot of material on the subject right now. I live Redefined Love every day. And I don’t say that ...
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Make America Love Again.

Patriotism and Redefined Love

I was raised on a steady diet of old-school, flag waving, star spangled patriotism. Ronald Reagan was the president of my childhood. I didn’t know a thing about his politics. I only knew that he had a kind face, an ...
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Redefined Love is always the answer.

Loving Myself Through It

My website went live in April, and yet here it is almost July and I’ve only written two blog posts. I wish I could tell you this is a rookie mistake, or that it was too much to expect myself ...
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Speaking your truth is an act of courage.

It’s Complicated…

Mother’s Day is an amazing opportunity to honor and recognize the women who work day-in and day-out to keep a family system running smoothly. So often this effort is underappreciated. Most mothers deserve far more recognition than they receive. But ...
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I have redefined love, and in turn love has redefined me.

Welcome To My World

One woman's journey to Redefine Love Love is, in many ways, still a raw, open wound for me. It has taken years for me to build up the courage to lay all of this out like this, for the world ...
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