Redefine Love Blog
Check back regularly for my latest blog postings about my own journey to redefined love, applying redefined love to your day-to-day life, and the impact redefined love has on our lives and the world.

Allow Me To Introduce Myself
Phew! Life got heavy again. Was it ever not in the past 12 months? Maybe not. But I got really stuck there for the past week. It just hurt. And I had big things to say. Now it is time ...
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Make Your Own Deal With It List
I was absolutely shocked by the reader response to my post, “Deal With It,” in which I gave a stream of conscious list of who I really am, unfiltered. Thank you to everyone who replied to the post, and to ...
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I said YES: An introvert’s stumble into podcast guesting
Wow, you guys. In all these years of laying myself bare in my writing, this is seriously the most publicly naked I have ever felt. It just so happens that I am expanding my business during a pandemic podcast explosion, ...
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What is the spoon theory and is it really about spoons?
I became familiar with the spoon theory when I became chronically ill. It’s a handy diagnostic tool that helps someone with a long-term illness express in simple terms how much energy they have on any given day. It was developed ...
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Deal with it
There’s this thing called Impostor Syndrome that I only learned about in the past year or so. It’s a mental hitch in your git-along that causes a person to feel inferior to everyone around her, regardless of how much education, ...
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Inciting violence against ourselves
The single most dangerous thing in this country right now is not rioters or gun-toting militia. The most dangerous thing we face is the fear that law-abiding citizens have of those who disagree with us. It is our fear that ...
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All that once was: Life before and life after COVID-19
For eight and a half years I wrote a mostly feel good column in a few small town newspapers. And you know what? I was okay at it. People liked it. They looked forward to it. And so did I ...
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None of us deserve a free jerk pass
I was already struggling with whether to publish this post, before COVID-19. Now I’m even more unsure. It is so heartening to see the amount of good will that is going around, even among people who normally are at each ...
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Love is the only way
If you feel invisible, I see you and I love you. If you are afraid, remember that courage is not the absence of fear, but standing strong against it. You can do it, and I love you. If you are ...
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People crave community: Narrowing the urban/rural divide
Growing up in the rural West, I can’t tell you how many times I heard jokes about Californians, “city folks,” and “back East,” as though people who lived in Cali or east of the Mississippi River were basically clueless idiots ...
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Holiday Permissions
This may not be the most warm and fuzzy thing to talk about this time of year. But our refusal to talk about it only makes the situation that much more difficult for those who are struggling. We have to ...
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Does UC Berkeley really hate rural America?
Okay, guys. We need to have a talk. I’ve discussed this before, and really… It’s so important. You’ve got to stop believing everything the Media tells you. This is the first post in a two-part series on narrowing the urban/rural ...
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A safe place to tell your story: A candid discussion about faith
No other topic that I’ve written about has resonated with readers as much as when I talk about God. Why is this? Are we all so hungry for meaning? I think perhaps yes. I’m tired of the rule that we ...
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Gossip is my weakness
The tricky thing about gossip is that it’s hard to define. When does genuine caring and concern turn into gossip? What about venting? We all need to get things off our chest, right? Because it is so amorphous, gossip is ...
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But love should be easy, right?
When I say love isn’t supposed to always be warm and fuzzy, what do I mean? Before I can answer this question, I have to explain what love is not. Love Is Not… Cruel.Abusive.Manipulative.Lying. Love may not always be warm ...
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The death of grace
As my kids gear up for back to school, I can’t help but wonder how they will look back at their childhoods, the time and place in which they were raised, their family experience, and the impact their culture has ...
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Do you have a toxic relationship with your news source?
In order to understand the big picture of Redefining Love, we must learn that institutions can be just as toxic as individual relationships. Just as family systems can be rife with dysfunction that developed over generations, so too can larger ...
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Eliminating snobbery from our lives
One of the personality traits that I struggle to forgive the most is snobbery, in myself as well as others. I used to live with the illusion that I was immune from this particular sin. (This kind of arrogance is ...
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Owning our bias: Are any of us really ‘woke?’
During my twenties I wore my struggles like a badge of honor. I sported the Plight of the Everyman as a chip on my shoulder, suffering fools with the notion that because I’d experienced hardship and seen the dark side ...
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The brain’s dashboard
The check engine light on my dashboard is broken. It comes on randomly, then shuts off again whenever the mood strikes it, rendering it useless. The first time it happened, I rushed my car to the mechanic, only to be ...
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The ‘f’ word has run its course
I’m not sure from what well people are drawing their ‘f’ words. I drained that sucker dry in the 90’s. I elevated the use of the ‘f’ word to new heights of artistry. I could answer yes or no questions ...
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Here’s the point
I have tiptoed hesitantly into social media over the years. I have accounts at the big four… Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram. My Pinterest is okay. My Twitter is embarrassing, honestly. I just ...
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Parenting yourself
When my therapist first introduced the idea of parenting myself, I thought I had that nailed down. Since both my parents had been checked out in one way or another during my childhood, I’d been doing that my entire life ...
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Getting organized: What do you need?
I know it’s trendy right now to get organized. I know that’s a thing. But I’ve never been very good at following trends, so let me challenge that for a minute. Let me tell you how I used to be ...
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Good God, I Think We Can: A Manifesto on Faith
At first glance my atheist followers may think this post is not for them. But if you are a student of Redefining Love, then you know you have a responsibility to learn to speak the language of those with whom ...
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Surround yourself with those going in your direction
I’ve always been a thinker of big thoughts. I’m not a fan of physical risk, like sky diving. I like to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. My thoughts, on the other hand… they go a mile a ...
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Not everyone who disagrees with you is evil
We are very confused about good and evil. We have been brainwashed by extremists to believe that anyone who disagrees with us is evil. And this isn’t just a liberal problem, or a conservative problem. This is an everyone problem ...
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Ghosts or ancestors
Recently I was watching the fantastic Bruce Springsteen on Broadway Netflix special and one line above all else spoke to me: “We are ghosts or we are ancestors in our own children’s lives.” I scrambled for a piece of paper ...
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Lost Boys Lessons of Blessings
I ran a column in two small town Montana newspapers from 2008 to 2016, the Lewistown News-Argus and the Sidney Herald. These two papers were incredibly generous to me. They allowed me to write on just about any topic I chose, with ...
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We are all the bad guy in someone’s story
Accountability is a tough one. It borders that very fine line between victim blaming and owning your own stuff. But it is so, so, so important. We can’t shy away from it simply because it is uncomfortable or confusing. When ...
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What are we so afraid of?
Those left behind When someone walks away from a family of origin relationship, it’s so easy to blame them. They must have “issues.” Often, the person they left behind has quite a lot to say about it to explain their ...
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What Does Voting Have to do With Redefining Love
In case you’re wondering what voting has to do with Redefined Love… Well, everything. Redefined Love is about interconnectedness. It is about how you are connected to your most intimate self, and outward then to your family of origin, romantic ...
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Speak softly with your heart, and loudly with your vote
Never more than the last few weeks have I pondered how to apply Redefined Love to these painfully divisive times. How do I even deal with it within myself? Certainly I have my own opinions on the matter. Do I ...
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Object Lessons
I am not a mom blogger. But I do happen to be in this season of life, so I have a lot of material on the subject right now. I live Redefined Love every day. And I don’t say that ...
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Patriotism and Redefined Love
I was raised on a steady diet of old-school, flag waving, star spangled patriotism. Ronald Reagan was the president of my childhood. I didn’t know a thing about his politics. I only knew that he had a kind face, an ...
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Loving Myself Through It
My website went live in April, and yet here it is almost July and I’ve only written two blog posts. I wish I could tell you this is a rookie mistake, or that it was too much to expect myself ...
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It’s Complicated…
Mother’s Day is an amazing opportunity to honor and recognize the women who work day-in and day-out to keep a family system running smoothly. So often this effort is underappreciated. Most mothers deserve far more recognition than they receive. But ...
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Welcome To My World
One woman's journey to Redefine Love Love is, in many ways, still a raw, open wound for me. It has taken years for me to build up the courage to lay all of this out like this, for the world ...
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