The Redefining Love Blog
Check back regularly for Sara Beth Wald’s latest blog postings about her own journey through Redefining Love, applying Redefined Love to your day-to-day life, and the impact Redefining Love has on our lives and the world.
Exploring the reality of choice
Trauma is tricky because it makes us believe that we don’t have a choice – a choice about our relationships, our emotions, and our reactions. The truth is, unless we are physically held captive,* we do have choices. A huge part of healing is learning to recognize our choices, and trusting ourselves to change course
What does it mean to be “safe?”
Trauma causes our brain to get stuck in a place of defense. Anything that reminds our trauma brain of the original experience, whether conscious or unconscious, will trigger our fight, flight, or freeze response. In order to shut off our trauma response, we must be in an environment that is truly safe. Otherwise, we will
Boundaries the Redefining Love Way
Setting boundaries is so much more than saying “no.” Boundaries determine where you end and other people begin. In enmeshed family systems or codependent relationships there are few, if any, boundaries. Without boundaries, there is no you. In order to love yourself, you must know who you are. In order to know who you are,
Grace is the guidepost
I’ve had grace on my mind a lot lately. It’s a thread that runs through all the other work we do here in the Redefining Love Community. Over the past few months, we’ve talked about forgiveness, talking to our wounded selves, adult friendship, perfectionism, and so many other things. And woven through all of that
Is It Just Me? Why Is Adult Friendship So Hard?
We are all so busy. And our kids are so busy. And marriage takes work. And work takes work. And somebody in the house is always sick. And when we’re not sick we’re running in a million directions. And sometimes we just need to eat a meal at home. And sometimes we need to just
Why “forgive and forget” is a toxic phrase.
Like everything else in Redefining Love, forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are inseparable. You can’t have one without working on the other. Feeling unforgiving towards others creates shame. Why? The standard definition of love is “strong feelings of warmth and affection,” while culture also mandates that we “forgive and forget.” When we aren’t
Growth is not a crisis
I was talking to a friend earlier this week about all the ways I’ve changed in the past year. I jokingly said “I think I’m going through a midlife crisis!” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that since I said it. Because here’s the thing… I’ve definitely grown and changed more this past
Thoughts on Forgiveness
In Friday Zoom last week, someone suggested we talk about self-forgiveness. And I was like YESSSS, please! As I sat down to write this week’s post, I kept having this nagging feeling that I had been here before. And then I remembered, I’d written very similar words in my newspaper column years before. I went
Talking to your wounded self
When I was a teenager we moved to a new town. I’d never lived in town before, with neighbors walking by with their dogs on a leash, or kids using our front steps to jump their bikes when they thought no one was looking. Because I’d always been an out-of-town kid, the constant stream of
Is happiness a choice?
Last weekend my teenager blew my mind. He said, “Mom, I’m confused. People say that happiness is a choice, but they also say that we should feel all the big feelings, including sadness and anger, and not hold them in.” I had to really think about how to respond to this. Because my son is
Grief: Bold, Renewing, and Resourceful
Thoughts on grief and loss For those who don’t know, my dad passed away last week. Thank you to all those who have reached out and offered support. I am so grateful and humbled by my community of people. My dad and I had a complicated relationship. A word that comes to mind when I
What does it mean to “hold space” for someone?
We hear the term “hold space” a lot these days. I use it myself all the time. MindBodyGreen.com defines “holding space” as being present with someone without judgement. This definition is certainly true, but when I use the term in Redefining Love, I’m applying the principles of boundaries, accountability, and grace to it as well. Holding
Emotions are the brain’s dashboard
Strong emotions aren’t the bad guy. We all have them, and they serve an important purpose. All of our emotions, including those considered “negative,” are there to communicate messages we need about the world. Emotions are our nervous system’s way of telling our bodies how to react. Joy tells us that this is a circumstance
The difference between caring for people, and caring what people think about you
Many of us were raised with the idea that caring about people and caring what people think of us are one and the same. And our culture reinforces this nonsense! It’s such dangerous, confusing thinking. Let’s clear this up once and for all. There is an enormous difference between caring for the well-being of others,
Podcast appearances
I’ve come a long way, baby! I’ve had a lot of opportunities in the past year to tell my story on my journey to Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace. I’m grateful for every gracious host, for the chance to share Redefining Love and also for their dedication to making the world a better place. Take a