Forgiveness

Live a life without shame

What would a world without shame look like? There’s no way of knowing for sure, of course, because shame currently permeates every level of our culture. If you look at every instance of human suffering – big and small – at the root of it is not anger, not sadness, not envy, not even fear. …

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On growing pains, dark times, and beginning again…

My community had a rough week. We yelled at each other. We let our big feelings get the best of us. Feelings were hurt. Friendships ended. It doesn’t really matter what happened. It’s the universal story of our times. This is our Zeitgeist – the mood of the moment. If it hadn’t been this, it …

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Grace is the guidepost

I’ve had grace on my mind a lot lately. It’s a thread that runs through all the other work we do here in the Redefining Love Community. Over the past few months, we’ve talked about forgiveness, talking to our wounded selves, adult friendship, perfectionism, and so many other things. And woven through all of that …

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Why “forgive and forget” is a toxic phrase.

Like everything else in Redefining Love, forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are inseparable. You can’t have one without working on the other. Feeling unforgiving towards others creates shame. Why? The standard definition of love is “strong feelings of warmth and affection,” while culture also mandates that we “forgive and forget.” When we aren’t …

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Thoughts on Forgiveness

In Friday Zoom last week, someone suggested we talk about self-forgiveness. And I was like YESSSS, please!  As I sat down to write this week’s post, I kept having this nagging feeling that I had been here before. And then I remembered, I’d written very similar words in my newspaper column years before. I went …

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The difference between caring for people, and caring what people think about you

Many of us were raised with the idea that caring about people and caring what people think of us are one and the same. And our culture reinforces this nonsense! It’s such dangerous, confusing thinking.  Let’s clear this up once and for all.  There is an enormous difference between caring for the well-being of others, …

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