Trust is the root of everything and the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is no different with ourselves. In order to love ourselves, we have to be able to trust ourselves, which often requires a lot of healing.
The reason why self trust is so hard is because trust is a need, deeply rooted in all humans since infancy:
1) We all have a need to attach, which requires trusting a caregiver. As infants, we are literally attached to our mothers in the womb and for nourishment. We need mother figures as we grow, because we cannot survive on our own and need to trust that someone else will take care and provide for us as we grow. That need for a secure sense of attachment and trust never goes away.
2) We all have a need for authenticity. Authenticity is actually being able to be connected to our root feelings and trust our gut instinct.
Thinking back to the early caveman days, they had to survive in the wild by being connected to their gut instincts and feelings. Early humans would have died out long ago if they relied on their intelligence rather than their instinct. In fact, intellect really didn’t come into play until much later and is very much a modern thing. We’ve evolved. However, as we have been conditioned to rely on intellect more than instinct, we have lost that authenticity. We lost the ability to trust our instincts.
80-90% of what we believe about the world and ourselves is unconscious. We need to ask ourselves:
Where did I learn this?
What is MY truth?
What do I choose to believe?
We don’t trust ourselves today not only because our society values intellect over instinct, but as a child, all of us had an interaction with a caregiver where we learned that in order to stay attached (a need) we needed to abandon some core part of us. For some, it was learning to tamp down anger because our caregiver couldn’t handle it. For others, it may be to play a role in your family of origin, not shine to bright, or fade to the background. We unconsciously learned this because as a child, it was life or death for us. It became wired into our brain that in order to gain love from a parent figure, we couldn’t be our true authentic self. We lost that ability to trust ourselves and our instincts.
In order to heal this, we need to turn back to radical authenticity. We need to re-learn how to trust ourselves, and that starts with learning how to connect with both the light and dark parts within us. This starts with reconnecting with your inner child. It’s bringing to light the part of yourself that was abandoned, and choose embrace it today as an adult. Because the truth is, YOU are a gift and the world needs what only YOU have. Embrace what the world has told you is weird or different.
Healing is restoring that connection to yourself first, and tuning into your own intuition Start to rebuild trust with yourself today, the most important relationship of all.
About the Author
Sheridan Cotrell is the CEO, founder, and owner of Legacy Creative Consulting. She is the visionary behind multiple six-figure businesses, and now consults other entrepreneurs to do the same. In her free time (and yes – she actually does have free time), she is the mother to five beautiful children and a husband she adores.