The last six months have been good. But hard. And also good. Did I say good already???
Good because I learned so, so much. About entrepreneurship. About hidden skills and hidden courage I didn’t know I had. About what I love to do, and what I don’t. About just going for it because there is no other option. And about the difference between making life work and making life happen.
Let me tell you about that last bit, because it might not make sense, until it does, and then you can’t unsee it.
Making life work is paying the bills. It’s showing up, but not being fully present because a corner of your brain never stops screaming WORK! WORK! WORK!
Making life work isn’t bad. Sometimes it’s necessary. Because maybe you didn’t know who you were until you tried, so it’s not exactly wasted. You learned something about yourself. It’s just messy, and uncomfortable, and sometimes there’s collateral damage.
Here’s an example. I thought I had to get on the news to spread the word about my community mental health workshops. And that’s a good thing, if done well. In my case, it wasn’t done well.
I contacted the news, invited them to a workshop, but I didn’t clarify exactly what the workshop was, or who I was, or what I hoped to showcase in the coverage before the reporter arrived. And I didn’t stand my ground or hold my boundaries when I realized the story wasn’t going in a good direction (which was immediately).
And here’s the thing… I am the Boundaries Lady. I’m supposed to be the one to hold boundaries to protect myself and my people. AND I have a master’s degree in journalism. It’s not like I don’t know my way around the media.
It is very humbling to admit, but I got so caught up in what I was supposed to do to spread the word about my workshops that I doubted my own knowing. The end result was a news story with serious factual errors, and worse, I pressured one of my participants to give an interview that she clearly didn’t want to do because by the time I consciously allowed myself to name the bad energy around the whole thing, I was already knee deep in it.
Long story short, I compromised my own values to serve a purpose that never felt aligned in the first place because it’s what I was “supposed” to do. And I’m not sure I got a single workshop participant from that awful news story, which is exactly what the whole mess deserved. A whole lot of nothing.
Sometimes, when you are making life work, you sacrifice what feels really right because… well… Because if you don’t do it, life won’t work. Or at least you think it won’t.
Making life work is following the rules. It’s “this is the way it’s always been done.” And sometimes there’s wisdom in that. Sometimes that has to be listened to, because it’s said by people who know what they are talking about. And also, inflation, and grocery bills, and all the things.
I tell my writing students, “You have to learn the rules to break the rules,” which isn’t something I came up with. It’s a concept attributed to several people – notably Mark Twain and Stephen King – usually in a writing context.
But it’s a good axiom to follow regardless of who said it, and applies to life in general. And that’s what the last six months have felt like. I was learning the rules so I could break the rules.
And now I’ve learned them. Well, some of them. There are a lot of rules.
For the last six months, I made life work. And that’s okay. I learned a lot. I grew. I did the thing. All the things. I took that wobbly first step. It wasn’t always graceful, but it was necessary to get me here.
In case you haven’t figured this out yet, this is a post about Accountability, that uncomfortable space between conscience and action, where all the real growth happens. If your self-inventory doesn’t involve cringeworthy moments you wish you could undo, you’re not doing it right.
And now, here I am, at a crossroads. I can continue to make life work. Or I can make life happen… which is a whole other thing.
It’s hard for me to speak to this next step, because it is, as Robert Frost would say, the road less traveled. It’s a risk. It’s scary. It might not work. But I tried making life work, and I haven’t felt aligned. So I’m going to try making life happen, and see what happens.
I’ve already laid a foundation that works. I’ve done it for six months now. I teach the workshops. I offer scholarships. I give people the option to pay or donate. I have the locations settled. A workbook template. A sense of what it takes to fill the space of 90 minutes with meaningful content.
But I haven’t trusted the process. Or myself. Or the Redefining Love Community. I’ve been so busy making sure everything works, I haven’t let the magic happen. Some of you remember that magic. It’s not lost. It’s just… sleeping.
Now, if I’m being fair to myself, there were moments of magic. There were the friendships between strangers made in that 90 minutes. There was the laughter, the tears shared, the love shown towards each other. Every workshop the fabulous participants taught me new perspectives. As I said, it was good.
It’s also been hard. Hard because I made it that way. Hard because my steps were wobbly. Hard because I wanted so badly to do it right that I didn’t do it justice. I lost sight of the sacred in the work. And that’s what this work I’m doing is.
Sacred.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take all that I learned, knowing now that it works, and I’m going to align it with what I know, deep in my bones, even if it’s against the rules.
I hate fundraising. So I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not going to talk about money. I’m going to talk about what is happening inside these workshops. I’m going to name the needs, organize the data, and share it with those who express an interest in supporting the mission of Redefining Love, which is to heal our culture by healing our trauma, one individual at a time.
I’m going to build relationships with my participants, my community, and myself.
I’m going to trust the process.
I’m going to approach my work life with the same wonder and joy that I’ve always had for Redefining Love, when I’m not so busy trying to make life work.
I’m going to stop working, and just live the dream of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace. If this is something that interests you, join me!
Come to a workshop! The second half of the year is going to be so good. Check out these amazing topics…
May: Gaslighting
June: The Art of Owning Your Life (Accountability)
July: Toxic Relationships
August: Integrity
Special Session: The Science of Emotional Regulation
September: Breaking the Shame/Blame Cycle
October: Compassion Without Collapse
November: Secrets Can Only Control You When They Are Kept
December: Make Your Own Family
Special Session: Holiday Permissions
I’ve had so much fun writing this curriculum. If you’re interested, just come. Pay. Don’t pay. It doesn’t matter to me. That’s not the point.
And don’t worry. I won’t push you to do news interviews. That’s making it work. Not making it happen. Some people love that stuff. And those people will find me when it’s right for them, and for me.
I’m going to continue doing workshops at the Women’s Prison. I’ve found a surprising home there for a corner of my heart that I didn’t know was still broken. I’m going to trust that the funding to support that will arrive.
For those who watched me desperately trying to make life work the last six months, at the expense of making life happen, I’m sorry I lost sight of why I started down this road in the first place. And thank you for loving me through it.
It was work. It was hard. And it was good. And now I’m going to make life happen. I hope you’ll come along with me. This is the fun part!
Over the next few months, watch for projects that remind you of the “old” Sara, before I lost myself making life work. This means less awkward calls to action, and more blogs, inspiration, and workshop topics based on the incredible conversations with members of the Redefining Love community. Think The Sara Beth Times and Friday Zooms.
If you haven’t joined me yet, now is the time to start. If you pulled away because it was feeling a little forced, it was a necessary journey, but I’ve found my way back home. I can’t wait to see you again!
Related Links:
What is Redefining Love
Boundaries
Accountability
Grace
Toxic Relationships
What does Integrity mean?
Meet the Founder
Redefining Love Community Mental Health Workshops
The Sara Beth Times