So you think you’re doing okay? You think therapy is for “crazy” people. You think you’ve got a pretty good handle on your life, so why should mental health matter to you?…
Have you ever been to the dentist even when there’s nothing wrong with your teeth? Why would you do that, if everything is fine?
Ever had an annual physical, even though you weren’t sick? How come?
Do you water your lawn when it’s still green?
Do you get the oil changed in your car every six months?
Clean your house before your socks stick to the floor?
Why? Why bother with any of these tasks if there isn’t a problem? The answer is pretty much the same in all cases…
We take care of things before they get out of hand – we get our teeth cleaned to prevent cavities. We get a physical to catch illness early. We water a green lawn so it doesn’t turn brown. We get the oil changed so our car continues to run smoothly. We clean up small messes to avoid a big cleanup later.
The human brain is far and above the most important organ in the body. Life quite literally can’t go on without a properly functioning brain. If you were having trouble breathing, you’d get your lungs checked. If your heart started skipping a beat, you’d run to the emergency room. If you had a rash all over your body, you’d go to the dermatologist.
Yet when the brain feels stuck in sadness or confusion, we just ignore it and hope it goes away. We push on, pretending everything is fine. Why?
The human body is very resilient. The brain in particular is very good at solving it’s own problems. In fact, when we experience emotional pain such as grief or betrayal, our brain actually learns from that experience and creates a new neuropathway around the issue.
Imagine if the heart could create a new route for blood flow when an artery gets blocked! Or the lungs could reroute oxygen when we get pneumonia! When you think about it, the human brain is incredible!
It’s amazing, for sure. But every time our brains have to create a new pathway, a little less of our processing capacity is in use. It’s a little like when a hard drive gets full on a computer. After a while, it starts to slow down. If you don’t free up space, eventually it gets too full to function properly.
Our brains are very much the same. Yes, it can continue to function in the face of intense challenges. But eventually, if you don’t do any maintenance, it will start to slow down, or it will get confused.
How does a brain overwhelmed by unprocessed emotions up?
Depression: When the brain is overloaded with unresolved issues, it pulls resources from the least necessary functions, such as joy and excitement. Sure, those things are fun! But they aren’t as crucial as say, regulating your heartbeat or reminding you to blink your eyes.
Anxiety: If you get stressed out or scared but don’t take the time to process the situation, the brain can get stuck there, constantly warning you about dangers that don’t even exist.
Cruelty: Empathy is a luxury that a tired, overworked brain can’t afford. If you’re brain is running out of headspace, it’s going to ditch compassion in an effort to keep you alive.
Addiction: Once the brain discovers there are substances or activities that create an illusion of “dealing with” that pesky unprocessed pain, it’s going to start to crave that crutch.
Impulsiveness: An overcrowded brain is missing too many synopses for proper common sense or well-reasoned decisions.
Defensiveness: Similar to anxiety, a brain that’s stuck on unprocessed fear begins to assume everyone is out to get them, even if they aren’t.
Lack of motivation: A brain that’s constantly buffering in the background, trying to contain all that information you’ve been trying to pretend isn’t there, doesn’t have the space to push you towards your goals.
Fatigue: Holding onto all that unprocessed emotion is exhausting!
Lowered Self-Confidence: A cluttered brain that’s not functioning properly begins to get down on itself – it’s no fun to be working at only half-capacity. After a while, the brain stops believing it’s as capable as other brains.
Shame: When left with no outlet, the brain blames itself for what it perceives as failure – failure to function properly, failure to make good decisions, failure to be kind to ourselves and others. This is a recipe for a great big shame sandwich!
That is quite the list!
What sorts of issues might arise from a brain overcrowded with unprocessed emotions? Let’s see…
Crime, domestic violence, drug addiction, alcoholism, pornography use, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, homelessness, poverty, child abuse, food insecurity, and suicide are all rooted in the above issues.
But maybe you don’t have any of these struggles. There are other less obvious struggles related to an overcrowded brain that can be just as devastating. Unprocessed emotions can also lead to frequent disagreements and misunderstandings in your closest relationships, hurt feelings, lack of accountability, unreasonable expectations, workaholism, chronic fatigue, low libido, and a general disinterest in life.
And all of these things can lead to painful breakups of romantic relationships and friendships, divorce, estrangement with children, job loss, and a general sense of dissatisfaction in your own life.
And suddenly, it becomes clear that mental health impacts all of us. Mental health isn’t someone else’s problem. I would argue that mental health isn’t a problem at all! It just is, like plaque on teeth and head colds. It’s inconvenient and occasionally uncomfortable, but if we take care of it when it first becomes an issue, it’s not that big a deal.
Unfortunately, we are terrible at dealing with mental health before it reaches a crisis level. And we have been for thousands of years. We wait until someone is dealing with a psychotic break, they are hurting themselves or someone else, or a life completely falls apart before we address it.
We let a lifetime of unprocessed feelings of sadness and anger fester into a toxic soup of despair and resentment, and we don’t deal with any of it until our overloaded brains can no longer function. That’s great creative fodder for Shakespeare writing Hamlet, but not so much for a healthy life.
If only we learned to allow space for the big, hard feelings from the very beginning of a life, just imagine how incredible our world would be!
What are some ways to start taking better care of your mental health?
- DEAL WITH YOUR STUFF, PEOPLE! Stop assuming you don’t have any because you have a stable job and food on the table. You have stuff. Deal. With. It.
- GO TO THERAPY! We are fortunate to live in a day and age where there is a whole profession dedicated to supporting you through the big, hard feelings. Therapy should be just as important as the dentist, the gym, the social calendar. Therapy exists. Use it!
- UTILIZE MENTAL HEALTH MEDIA! There are a lot of ways modern technology sucks. But there are also a lot of great things about it, including podcasts, audiobooks, online support groups, webinars, blogs, email newsletters, coaching! The help you need is out there. You just have to make finding it a priority.
- TEACH YOUR KIDS A BETTER WAY! We’ve been passing down generational trauma for a long, long time. We aren’t going to solve a problem millennia in the making in one lifetime. But we have to start somewhere. It might as well be with you.
- GIVE YOURSELF GRACE. Nobody said that healing a lifetime of unprocessed emotions is easy. It’s not an overnight process, and it’s not without it’s challenges. But you can do it. Seek support. Open your heart to the possibility of a better way of being. And take it one day at a time.
If you’d like support on your mental health journey, reach out! I coach trauma-survivors in discovering a different way of navigating life with Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace. And if I’m not a good fit for you, I’ll help connect you with other resources, such as a licensed therapist or support groups in your area.
If you feel you may be a danger to yourself or others, in the U.S. call the National Mental Health Crisis Line at 988, where you’ll find 24-hour support. For help finding non-emergency community resources, including a licensed therapist, call 211.