If processing trauma were easy, everyone would be doing it, and we’d all be happy! happy! all the time. As those of us who have stepped inside our trauma and walked around a bit can attest, facing painful past experiences is not for the faint of heart.
And it’s not just because it’s painful and upsetting to stand inside our hard memories (although it most definitely is!). You aren’t just fighting against whatever fear, sadness, and anger your memories hold. You are also fighting against your own brain.
Why?
Because when we experience trauma, the human brain creates a barrier between any future experience that resembles the trauma that our brain has deemed dangerous. This explains why a war veteran is triggered by fireworks, or someone who nearly drowned in childhood is terrified of swimming.
It’s not just a river in Egypt
The term “denial” has been around a long time. But neuroscientists are just now beginning to understand how it happens. The human brain quite literally blocks our conscious self from accessing the “danger zones” inside of itself.
Understanding this can help us to give others grace when they “refuse to face their feelings.” They didn’t consciously choose to ignore the hard parts of their story. The human brain is designed to shut us out as a form of self-protection. It takes a special kind of courage to look our demons in the eye.
This week in the Redefining Love Community, we are going to explore and celebrate the incredibly challenging journey into our trauma. This is not an easy path. Those who are in the midst of it, or who have come through to the others side, deserve respect and commendation.
15 reasons you are awesome for healing your trauma:
- There’s no map: Although we are finally starting to understand how the human brain processes trauma, every brain is different. Therefore, every trauma journey is unique. In order to heal from trauma, we must each become explorers venturing into the unknown.
- You have to go alone: Hopefully, you have a strong support system to lean on during your healing journey. This can make all the difference in the world! But while you can have someone hold your hand and stay nearby, only you can climb inside your painful memories.
- Not everybody can do what you’re doing: Most of us have heard the phrase, “Hurt people hurt people.” This means that every time someone hurts another person, they are acting from a place of pain within themselves. If we all healed our trauma, nobody would ever be hurt by someone else. Although this is an amazing goal, we aren’t there yet. Many people simply don’t have the courage to face their own pain, process it, and release it.
- You are honest: In order to process trauma, you have to get really raw and real. There is no space in the healing process for lying to yourself and others.
- You have a very high pain tolerance: I once described the feeling of exploring trauma as having my nerve endings exposed. Not all wounds bleed red. Sometimes the most painful wounds are invisible.
- You are fighting bare fisted: Boxers wear gloves to protect their hands. Football players wear helmets and pads. Soldiers wear bullet proof vests. Even MMA fighters wear mouth guards. But trauma survivors? In order to heal you have to be vulnerable. You have to drop all your protections and walk with blind trust straight into the fight.
- You are resilient: Healing from trauma involves a lot of failure. Exposing your wounds takes time, and every time you think you’ve finally got things figured out, another hidden layer of fear, sadness, or anger rises to the surface. Sometimes you’ve had time to catch your breath, but sometimes you are hit with wave after wave. And yet, here you are, still doing your best to figure things out.
- You’re rubbing your face in the onion: Much like onions, trauma is layered and makes us cry. Some traumas are a little tangy, and some are so darn spicy that you can barely stand cutting into them. Either way, it doesn’t feel too great to roll around in it. But that’s what you’re doing. It burns. Your eyes are watering nonstop. But somewhere deep down you know that once it’s processed, it’s going to be a powerful addition to the complex soup that is your life.
- You are inspiring: Processing trauma can be very lonely. But every time you courageously peel back another layer, you are inspiring someone else to heal, too. Your kids are watching. Your spouse or partner is watching. Your coworkers, your neighbors, your friends. They are all watching, and every victory gives them hope that they, too, might be able to heal.
- You are strong: Trauma is a liar that tells us we are weak and helpless. These lies are heavy, and shoving them off our shoulders takes incredible strength.
- You are generous: Most of us don’t decide to heal our trauma for our own sake. Usually, people step into trauma because they’ve seen how it damages someone they love. If you’re on this journey, it’s because you’re willing to sacrifice a whole lot for others.
- You are worthy: Another lie that trauma tells us is that we are not worth the effort. In order to heal, at least a small part of you had to recognize that your life has value, and you are worth the hard work it takes to make the best of it.
- You are creative: The brain’s trauma response gets us stuck in the past. The part of our brain that connects with the traumatic experience keeps replaying the same boring script over and over. In order to circumvent that script, we have to get creative. We have to problem solve ways around, behind the curtain, and turn off the switch. This takes ingenuity.
- You are insightful: We all have some measure of trauma. But we don’t all have the insight into our own minds to venture in and deal with it. The fact that you are here, thinking and exploring, says a lot about the power of your mind.
- You are infinitely courageous: Not everyone steps into this space. It’s dark and you can’t see the other end. Sometimes it feels like you will be falling in the darkness forever. What you don’t know is, even if you never reach the bottom, it won’t matter, because somewhere along the way you will learn how to fly.
If nobody has told you lately (or ever)… Trauma survivor, you are simply amazing! Now go forth, and be awesome.
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To learn more about the Redefining Love Way, I encourage you to browse the site. Have questions? Feel free to email me at sara@sarabethwald.com, or schedule a free discovery call.
For more information on how to join the Redefining Love Community, please visit redefine-love.com/coaching.