The guidance and support you need to maintain your integrity and make healthy, objective decisions that will affect you and your children for a lifetime.
You feel lost. Your foundation is rocked to its core. Everything you thought was good and beautiful about your life has blown up, and you don’t even know how you’re going to get out of bed every morning.
But you have to, because you have kids, a job, a dog, a cat, friends, and family who need you. There’s laundry to do, grass to mow, and groceries to buy, and suddenly where once there were two people to carry the load of life, there’s just one now – you.
You feel like a failure; like you can’t do anything right. But there’s no one else to do it for you, and you have no idea how you’re going to get through this.
OVERWHELMED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT
The expectations during a divorce are intense.
Not only are you supposed to maintain all the everyday details of your life, but you’re also supposed to stay in contact with your attorney, meet legal deadlines, pay legal fees and transition to supporting a household budget that used to be shared with your spouse, and – if you have children – still be a parent.
You may also be moving, or your spouse is moving out. Your support system is changing as friends and family try to figure out where they’ll fit into your new life. You’ve got mountains of paperwork coming at you from the lawyer’s office and the court, written in legalese that feels like a foreign language, and you just don’t have the mental bandwidth to figure out what it all means.
On top of everything else, you want to do divorce “right.” You want to maintain your integrity, refrain from drama and negative discourse with your ex, and make sure you’re supporting your kids through this difficult time. If the challenging times are the moments in life when your character is tested, then this is by far the most intense test you’ve ever taken.
REDEFINING LOVE DIVORCE COACHING CAN HELP
YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ALONE
With the help of Redefining Love Divorce Coaching, you can:
- Maintain your character
- Do what’s best for your kids
- Understand your rights
- Learn to self-advocate
- Set realistic priorities to juggle all the confusing and painful details
- Vent your anger, confusion, and hurt to an objective, loving supporter
- Get an objective, experienced set of eyes on confusing legal paperwork
- Live into the principles of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace
- 90-minute first meeting
- Two 1-hour 1-1 Coaching Sessions per month for six months
- Training in the fundamentals of Redefining Love
- Up to 5 text support messages per week
- Review of all legal documents during contract period
- Detailed “homework” assigned between sessions to apply the principles of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace
- Additional meetings and assistance as needed based on your unique circumstances
*FREE ½-hour discovery call.
*Payment plans available
The difference between a lawyer and a divorce coach
Your lawyer’s job is to advocate for your financial, custodial, and property rights. Most often, lawyers are not trauma-informed, and do not have the time (or often, the patience) to deal with your big feelings. For them, this is their job. For you, this is your life.
Your lawyer expects you to dig into the furthest reaches of your financial past, and to get it all done on a very tight deadline. The trouble is, every receipt and bank statement triggers a memory. You are being asked to somehow set aside what amounts to the most excruciating emotional anguish of your life.
Depending on your lawyer, they may or may not have compassion for your emotional anguish. Regardless of their approach to their work, at the end of the day, you’ve hired them to be your legal advocate. Your emotions just get in the way of them doing the job you hired them to do. In fact, the less engaged in the emotional aspect of your case they are, the better.
A divorce coach holds space for the emotional aspects of a divorce. This frees the lawyer to do their job, and allows you to begin the journey of healing and rebuilding your life.
A coach can also help you sift through the mountain of paperwork, remind you to take deep breaths, and helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings. And, unlike your lawyer who charges by the minute, coaching allows you to take more time to gather your thoughts and process your feelings, without the added pressure to your bank account.
RELIEVE THE PRESSURE
Redefining Love Divorce Coaching provides:
- Teaching how to navigate life and conflict based on the Three Pillars of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace.
- Experienced divorce advice from an objective, trauma-informed source.
- A filter and an “interpreter” of all the legal paperwork.
- Guidance in setting priorities to complete all that needs to be done on-time.
- Analysis of your current support system to help you identify healthy versus toxic relationships.
- Trauma education to start you on the right path towards emotional healing.
- Expert boundaries advice, so you can determine what is yours to carry and what is not.
- Gentle but firm truth-telling when it’s hard to see through all the big feelings.
- A shoulder to cry on when it feels like no one else understands what you’re going through.
- Parenting advice for navigating a divorce with children.
- Regular grace reminders of all the things you’re doing right in the midst of so much going wrong.
- Review of your legal documents prior to signing on the bottom line.
- Clarity on what’s rightfully yours (and what’s not), from property and finances to custody of your kids.
- An accountability partner to ensure you are reacting to stress in a way you can live with when the dust settles.
- Written analysis and journaling of your specific circumstances that celebrates your growth, encourages your healing, and guides your next steps, prepared by a professional social worker and writer that you can keep and reference for the rest of your life.
- Hope that forgiveness and healing is possible, and a roadmap to show you how.
MEET YOUR COACH
Sara Beth Wald
Founder of Redefining Love
I am a profoundly loving, trauma-informed life guide. I have a bachelor’s in social work, and a master’s in journalism. I am a trauma survivor committed to teaching others how to navigate life’s challenges and conflicts through boundaries, accountability, and grace. I have experienced a painful divorce and years-long child custody struggle, and have emerged on the other side a better, more evolved version of myself. I know how divorce feels in the beginning, middle, and end, and I know that as hard as it is – and it is hard – the pain and fear do eventually subside, and happiness is possible. You can learn more about my story here.
What you are going through is a lot. But remember this…
You’re not a horrible person.
You aren’t unlovable.
You’re not ruining your kids’ lives.
You’re stronger than you think.
You are going through a divorce. It’s painful, but it’s not a death sentence. I promise. If you need help, please reach out.
What Redefining Love Divorce Coaching is NOT…
As important as what I am is what I am not. Here are some things that you will not receive from Redefining Love Divorce Coaching:
A crash course in how to get even with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
There is no space for revenge in Redefining Love. There’s no grace in getting even. I don’t view divorce as a win/lose situation. It’s a lose/lose situation, with the goal of determining the least toxic, most fair outcome for both parties and your children. Not only is revenge unethical, but it’s also a waste of your limited, precious time and energy. I won’t teach you how to most effectively take your spouse’s life-savings, or how to “make them pay” in any other way, emotionally or financially. I won’t help you make sure your ex never sees your children again.*
A reassurance that it’s all your ex’s fault.
There are two sides to every story. Undoubtably, your ex has made some serious mistakes. But the accountability pillar of Redefining Love does not only apply to others. We must learn to apply it to ourselves as well. If you are unable to admit your own areas for growth, you will wind up repeating the same toxic cycles over and over in future relationships. My job is not only to help you through your current divorce, but to prepare you for success in future relationships.
Mental health therapy.
I understand how trauma effects the brain, and how it poisons family and relationship systems for generations. I can recognize where your trauma is showing up in your life, and help you dig in to discover toxic patterns that are the root of how you got to where you are now. What I cannot do is diagnose you with a mental health condition, prescribe medications, or perform certain mental health therapies that require specific certifications, such as EMDR and hypnosis. I am very self-aware. I know when I’ve reached the limits of my knowledge and skills. In the event that you need support that I cannot provide, I will help you find the right person to meet your needs.
I’ve said for years that the only person you’re more likely to lose an argument against than a lawyer is a lawyer’s ex-wife. And although it’s true that I walked the path of law school with my ex-husband as his primary study partner and sounding board, and later navigated a painful divorce and years-long custody struggle, I am not a lawyer. Through my experiences I’ve learned many of the ins-and-outs of the family court system, learned how to read (and write) legal documents, and became a skilled self-advocate. But I will not and legally cannot serve as legal representation. The first thing I ask every person who seeks my advice about divorce is, “Do you have a lawyer?” If you don’t, that needs to be your #1 priority (after ensuring that you and your children are safe).
If you are faced with having to choose between paying me and paying a lawyer, go with the lawyer, every time. If you need help finding a lawyer, or you don’t feel you are getting what you want from your current lawyer, I may be able to help, depending on the circumstances.
As a coach, I guide you to find your own voice, and support you as you learn to use it. I will not act as an intermediary between you and those you are in conflict with. I will not talk to your ex, your mother-in-law, your lawyer, your kids, or your former best friend who decided to take your ex’s side. The goal of Redefining Love coaching is to teach you how to practice boundaries, accountability, and grace long after your coaching ends. You won’t learn that without practicing the principles yourself. You are stronger than you think, and part of my job is to help you tap into that strength. You can do it. I can help.
I can help interpret paperwork and expectations from your lawyer and the courts, and I’ve been known to sit down at a client’s computer and start writing responses to interrogatories. But I won’t do the heavy lifting for you. Only you know where to find your tax returns and credit card receipts, and all your responses to inquiries need to be written in your own voice. It doesn’t have to be perfectly punctuated. But it does need to be yours.
*If domestic violence or sexual abuse is part of your marriage story, I will do what I can to help you connect with services in your area to support you, including shelters, law enforcement, and mental healthcare for you and your children. Ensuring that you and your children are safe should be your #1 priority. However, I do not specialize in crisis intervention. Domestic violence and sexual abuse intervention are not services that I provide as part of my coaching program.
**CUSTOMIZED PLANS AVAILABLE. CONTACT SARA@SARABETHWALD.COM FOR MORE DETAILS**