A Deal With It list is a stream of conscious list of who you really are, unfiltered. A Deal With It list is a statement of SELF. It is entirely about digging deep into your own heart, mind, and soul, and sharing your discoveries with the world, or, in the very least, putting it down on paper.
Something about writing it out makes it so much more meaningful than if you just think it inside your head. Thoughts don’t do you any good if you don’t turn them into action. Writing it down makes it real. And in the case of a Deal With It list, writing it down makes you real.
For people who haven’t felt seen or heard much in their lives, this is incredibly healing.
Wondering what a Deal With It list looks like? Check mine out HERE!
For those who have felt silenced by the outspoken herd, by families, culture, coworkers, clergy and congregations, or peers, there is something incredibly empowering about laying out your whole self candidly for all the world to see. It’s sort of like publicly outing yourself as a whole, thinking, feeling human being, when for whatever reason you haven’t felt that way before.
If this is you, I’ll tell you how to write your own Deal With It list. But first, there are some rules…
Here is a list of what a Deal With It list is not:
NOT a giant middle finger to all the people who have hurt, defamed, disagreed, or otherwise offended you. Grown-ups respect other people’s right to disagree and be on their own journey. If you aren’t ready to let others be, in all their broken humanity (or inhumanity), then you’re not ready to write a Deal With It list.
NOT a political statement. Nowadays, politics is very much a part of who we are. I don’t actually consider this a bad thing. I think it’s important that we know what we believe, and that we stand up for those beliefs. That being said, a Deal With It list isn’t an opportunity to campaign for any particular cause or candidate. Your politics are just a small segment of your whole self. If you can’t wrap your brain around this concept, you aren’t ready to deal with it.
NOT a religious statement. Similar to politics, our religion is a big part of who we are. However, a Deal With It list is about putting yourself out there, being vulnerable, and saying once and for all, “This is me! Deal with it.” It is not about bringing people to Jesus, or proselytizing for any religion.
NOT an opportunity to express your perceived superiority over others. A Deal With It list does not oppress others. It does not condemn whole races, religions, sexual orientations, or other demographic groups. It does not attack other people. There is an enormous difference between saying, “This is who I am, take it or leave it” versus, “This is why I’m better than you.” If you can’t make that distinction, you need to do more soul searching before you make a Deal With It list.
Basically, a Deal With It list is not about anyone else. It’s about setting your own boundaries around who you are, what you love, and what you stand for, regardless of what anybody else thinks, and even if others might not like it. You can learn more about setting boundaries and being accountable for who you here.
Who should write a deal with it list…
Are you intimidated by all those outspoken people on the news or in your office or in your Bible study or PTA or play group or at your family gatherings who rant and rave and think they know it all?
Do you hold back large parts of yourself for fear that you’ll be judged, condemned, or shunned by your peers, family, or community?
Are you someone who has felt invisible most of your life?
Do you suffer from Impostor Syndrome, an emotional state in which, despite your accomplishments and strengths, you believe you do not deserve happiness or success in life? Are these limiting beliefs so hindering you that you actually miss out on opportunities that you were perfectly qualified for?
Are you totally okay with other people being themselves, even if that means having an entirely different worldview than you, and just utterly sick and tired of the noisy mob forcing their opinions and nastiness down everyone else’s throats?
If any of this applies to you, then you should write a Deal With It list.
I am totally ready to Deal With It. Are you?
If so, sit down, write your own list, and, if you’re feeling really bold and empowered, post it on your favorite social media feed for all the world to see. Share a link to this page, so that a) people don’t think the crazy state of the world has finally tipped you over the edge, and b) other people who are interested in making their own list know the rules.
And when you’re writing your list, make sure that you…
Follow the rules!
WRITE as clearly as you know how. Take your time and try to make it as clear and easy to read as possible. I suggest using bullet points, but they aren’t necessary. For an example, you can review my list here.
FOCUS on telling the world about who you are, your likes, your dislikes, what makes you unique, what makes you tick, what inspires your passion.
DO NOT waste your readers’ time telling other people off. We aren’t in junior high. Deal with it. (Unless you actually are in junior high, in which case, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there.)
DO NOT campaign for a cause or candidate. You can talk about your likes and dislikes without turning it into a political ad.
DO NOT try converting others to your religion. This is an exercise in self-reflection, not a sermon.
DO NOT condemn others for disagreeing with you.
DO NOT make racist, homophobic, misogynistic, or otherwise defamatory remarks about any group, religion, or individual.
Basically, BE A GROWN UP, own your stuff, and leave others to their own journey.
And most of all, HAVE FUN celebrating YOU!
Share with me!
I’d love to see your Deal With It list! You can email me at email@example.com, or you can tag me in your post. By sharing your email address, you are joining a community of other people ready to Deal With It! Please let me know if you’d rather not receive updates on my latest thoughts and ramblings, and what’s going on in the Redefining Love community.
In case you haven’t read it yet, here’s my Deal With It list, as of October 2020. (Deal With It lists can grow and change as you do!)