The Health Connection Archives

Make Your Own Deal With It List

Posted on January 15, 2021January 15, 2021 by Redefining Love

I was absolutely shocked by the reader response to my post, “Deal With It,” in which I gave a stream of conscious list of who I really am, unfiltered. Thank you to everyone who replied to the post, and to all those who messaged me privately with their own Deal With It lists. I am honored that you trusted me with your whole selves. (If you missed my Deal With It post, you ca...

What is the spoon theory and is it really about spoons?

Posted on December 14, 2020December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

I became familiar with the spoon theory when I became chronically ill. It’s a handy diagnostic tool that helps someone with a long-term illness express in simple terms how much energy they have on any given day. It was developed by Christine Miserandino in 2003, when a friend asked her to describe what it was like to have lupus. She gathered spoons from throughout the ...

All that once was: Life before and life after COVID-19

Posted on March 31, 2020March 31, 2020 by Redefining Love

For eight and a half years I wrote a mostly feel good column in a few small town newspapers. And you know what? I was okay at it. People liked it. They looked forward to it. And so did I. I enjoyed making people’s day. I became adept at finding the good in what felt like the darkest of times. But in the last few years, I couldn’t do it. My life got too dark, and so did ...

Love is the only way

Posted on February 12, 2020December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

If you feel invisible, I see you and I love you. If you are afraid, remember that courage is not the absence of fear, but standing strong against it. You can do it, and I love you. If you are weary, stay strong. You are doing better than you think. And I love you. If you are lonely, here’s a hug and I love you. If you are sad, here’s a tissue and a warm cup of ...

Holiday Permissions

Posted on December 10, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

If you need someone to give you permission to be joyful this holiday season, in spite of it all, let me be that person.

This may not be the most warm and fuzzy thing to talk about this time of year. But our refusal to talk about it only makes the situation that much more difficult for those who are struggling. We have to name our pain before we can address it. So I’m going to do the unpopular thing and put it all out there. The holidays are really hard for a lot of people. Like, hardest ti...

Gossip is my weakness

Posted on September 17, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

When you stop talking to people, stop talking about them, too.

The tricky thing about gossip is that it’s hard to define. When does genuine caring and concern turn into gossip? What about venting? We all need to get things off our chest, right? Because it is so amorphous, gossip is an easy crime to commit. I know I have. In fact, it’s my biggest vice, or it used to be. I grew up in gossip central. Nobody does gossip lik...

But love should be easy, right?

Posted on August 26, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

When you set boundaries with someone, both people grow.

When I say love isn’t supposed to always be warm and fuzzy, what do I mean? Before I can answer this question, I have to explain what love is not. Love Is Not… Cruel.Abusive.Manipulative.Lying. Love may not always be warm and fuzzy, but it is decidedly none of the above things. But does love hurt? Can our love actually hurt someone? Can someone we love hu...

Do you have a toxic relationship with your news source?

Posted on August 6, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Do you have a toxic relationships with your news source?

In order to understand the big picture of Redefining Love, we must learn that institutions can be just as toxic as individual relationships. Just as family systems can be rife with dysfunction that developed over generations, so too can larger systems within our society. Entire religions, governments, political parties, corporations, education institutions, and sectors...

The brain’s dashboard

Posted on June 26, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

Anger, pain, and fear are like the indicator lights on the dashboard of our brains, warning us that something or someone is a threat.

The check engine light on my dashboard is broken. It comes on randomly, then shuts off again whenever the mood strikes it, rendering it useless. The first time it happened, I rushed my car to the mechanic, only to be told that it’s a wiring issue that will cost $800 to fix. My car runs great otherwise, is not very old, and is paid in full. It’s just not worth the expen...

Here’s the point

Posted on June 10, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

A critical driver of innovation is the capacity to disagree, debate passionately, and explore all sides of an issue without losing respect.

I have tiptoed hesitantly into social media over the years. I have accounts at the big four… Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram. My Pinterest is okay. My Twitter is embarrassing, honestly. I just can’t seem to master brevity. Imagine that. Even on those platforms that I use most frequently I struggle. I know I coul...