Speak the Language Archives

All that once was: Life before and life after COVID-19

Posted on March 31, 2020March 31, 2020 by Redefining Love

For eight and a half years I wrote a mostly feel good column in a few small town newspapers. And you know what? I was okay at it. People liked it. They looked forward to it. And so did I. I enjoyed making people’s day. I became adept at finding the good in what felt like the darkest of times. But in the last few years, I couldn’t do it. My life got too dark, and so did ...

Holiday Permissions

Posted on December 10, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

If you need someone to give you permission to be joyful this holiday season, in spite of it all, let me be that person.

This may not be the most warm and fuzzy thing to talk about this time of year. But our refusal to talk about it only makes the situation that much more difficult for those who are struggling. We have to name our pain before we can address it. So I’m going to do the unpopular thing and put it all out there. The holidays are really hard for a lot of people. Like, hardest ti...

A safe place to tell your story: A candid discussion about faith

Posted on October 14, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

This is a safe place to tell your faith story.

No other topic that I’ve written about has resonated with readers as much as when I talk about God. Why is this? Are we all so hungry for meaning? I think perhaps yes. I’m tired of the rule that we aren’t supposed to talk about religion. Why not? Does it so offend us when someone disagrees with our foundational values that we are unable to listen? Are we truly that inse...

Eliminating snobbery from our lives

Posted on July 29, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

Rather than seek to be open minded, a better goal is to dig deep to identify our own bias.

One of the personality traits that I struggle to forgive the most is snobbery, in myself as well as others. I used to live with the illusion that I was immune from this particular sin. (This kind of arrogance is the first sign that you need to get real.) Judgement is the universal sin Back when I bought into the “open-mindedness” myth, I believed that I accepted eve...

Owning our bias: Are any of us really ‘woke?’

Posted on July 21, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Don't insult the intelligence of others by manipulating them with carefully crafted opinion disguised as fact.

During my twenties I wore my struggles like a badge of honor. I sported the Plight of the Everyman as a chip on my shoulder, suffering fools with the notion that because I’d experienced hardship and seen the dark side of humanity, I could relate to other people’s trauma, however far removed from it I was. This was the attitude I carried with me into graduate school, fre...

The ‘f’ word has run its course

Posted on June 17, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Once a word gets overused, it becomes boring and loses it's impact.

I’m not sure from what well people are drawing their ‘f’ words. I drained that sucker dry in the 90’s. I elevated the use of the ‘f’ word to new heights of artistry. I could answer yes or no questions with an ‘f’ bomb and my people knew what I meant by my intonation. It was glorious. Do not get the wrong impression. I am not a cool person. Never have I ever been coo...

Here’s the point

Posted on June 10, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

A critical driver of innovation is the capacity to disagree, debate passionately, and explore all sides of an issue without losing respect.

I have tiptoed hesitantly into social media over the years. I have accounts at the big four… Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and Twitter. I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram. My Pinterest is okay. My Twitter is embarrassing, honestly. I just can’t seem to master brevity. Imagine that. Even on those platforms that I use most frequently I struggle. I know I coul...

Good God, I Think We Can: A Manifesto on Faith

Posted on April 2, 2019December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

Why be giving the ability to question and then wait for someone else to tell you how to think, how to feel, how to experience the world?

At first glance my atheist followers may think this post is not for them. But if you are a student of Redefining Love, then you know you have a responsibility to learn to speak the language of those with whom you disagree. So before you stop reading, hear me out. You may be surprised by what I have to say about religion. I’m not exactly a traditionalist. Nobody wants to...

Patriotism and Redefined Love

Posted on July 3, 2018December 15, 2020 by Redefining Love

I was raised on a steady diet of old-school, flag waving, star spangled patriotism. Ronald Reagan was the president of my childhood. I didn’t know a thing about his politics. I only knew that he had a kind face, an impressive air of dignity when his speeches interrupted our evening TV shows, and that he and his wife wanted me to just say no to drugs. I know a bit more about ...