How do I redefine love? Archives

Love is the only way

Posted on February 12, 2020February 12, 2020 by Redefining Love

If you feel invisible, I see you and I love you. If you are afraid, remember that courage is not the absence of fear, but standing strong against it. You can do it, and I love you. If you are weary, stay strong. You are doing better than you think. And I love you. If you are lonely, here’s a hug and I love you. If you are sad, here’s a tissue and a warm cup of ...

People crave community: Narrowing the urban/rural divide

Posted on January 27, 2020February 5, 2020 by Redefining Love

We were neighbors before we were enemies

Growing up in the rural West, I can’t tell you how many times I heard jokes about Californians, “city folks,” and “back East,” as though people who lived in Cali or east of the Mississippi River were basically clueless idiots. Then I moved east. Not all the way to the coast, but far enough to learn that people “across the river” were pretty much just like people on the othe...

Holiday Permissions

Posted on December 10, 2019December 10, 2019 by Redefining Love

If you need someone to give you permission to be joyful this holiday season, in spite of it all, let me be that person.

This may not be the most warm and fuzzy thing to talk about this time of year. But our refusal to talk about it only makes the situation that much more difficult for those who are struggling. We have to name our pain before we can address it. So I’m going to do the unpopular thing and put it all out there. The holidays are really hard for a lot of people. Like, hardest ti...

Does UC Berkeley really hate rural America?

Posted on November 18, 2019February 5, 2020 by Redefining Love

Okay, guys. We need to have a talk. I’ve discussed this before, and really… It’s so important. You’ve got to stop believing everything the Media tells you. This is the first post in a two-part series on narrowing the urban/rural divide, and just being a responsible, rational citizen in general. Certain news outlets... ...are blowing up over a tweet by a UC...

A safe place to tell your story: A candid discussion about faith

Posted on October 14, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

This is a safe place to tell your faith story.

No other topic that I’ve written about has resonated with readers as much as when I talk about God. Why is this? Are we all so hungry for meaning? I think perhaps yes. I’m tired of the rule that we aren’t supposed to talk about religion. Why not? Does it so offend us when someone disagrees with our foundational values that we are unable to listen? Are we truly that inse...

Gossip is my weakness

Posted on September 17, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

When you stop talking to people, stop talking about them, too.

The tricky thing about gossip is that it’s hard to define. When does genuine caring and concern turn into gossip? What about venting? We all need to get things off our chest, right? Because it is so amorphous, gossip is an easy crime to commit. I know I have. In fact, it’s my biggest vice, or it used to be. I grew up in gossip central. Nobody does gossip lik...

But love should be easy, right?

Posted on August 26, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

When you set boundaries with someone, both people grow.

When I say love isn’t supposed to always be warm and fuzzy, what do I mean? Before I can answer this question, I have to explain what love is not. Love Is Not… Cruel.Abusive.Manipulative.Lying. Love may not always be warm and fuzzy, but it is decidedly none of the above things. But does love hurt? Can our love actually hurt someone? Can someone we love hu...

Do you have a toxic relationship with your news source?

Posted on August 6, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Do you have a toxic relationships with your news source?

In order to understand the big picture of Redefining Love, we must learn that institutions can be just as toxic as individual relationships. Just as family systems can be rife with dysfunction that developed over generations, so too can larger systems within our society. Entire religions, governments, political parties, corporations, education institutions, and sectors...

Eliminating snobbery from our lives

Posted on July 29, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Rather than seek to be open minded, a better goal is to dig deep to identify our own bias.

One of the personality traits that I struggle to forgive the most is snobbery, in myself as well as others. I used to live with the illusion that I was immune from this particular sin. (This kind of arrogance is the first sign that you need to get real.) Judgement is the universal sin Back when I bought into the “open-mindedness” myth, I believed that I accepted eve...

Owning our bias: Are any of us really ‘woke?’

Posted on July 21, 2019November 15, 2019 by Redefining Love

Don't insult the intelligence of others by manipulating them with carefully crafted opinion disguised as fact.

During my twenties I wore my struggles like a badge of honor. I sported the Plight of the Everyman as a chip on my shoulder, suffering fools with the notion that because I’d experienced hardship and seen the dark side of humanity, I could relate to other people’s trauma, however far removed from it I was. This was the attitude I carried with me into graduate school, fre...